today, a friend of mine, mentioned once again an idea of his .... for me. what i could do with my life.


and finally i've come up with this thought:


wow, the amazing power of an idea. a simple frickin' single idea.


i couldn't get his idea out of my mind, so i gave it some thought and then made a decision. and am standing by it, with good cause and reason.



ideas ... it really doesn't matter where they orginate from .... so long as you make them your own. that is to say, they work exceedingly well for you.








it never occurred to me to create art. but here i am. in love with writing, taking photographs, creating images and patterns on my laptop, and having engaging conversations with people online.


i've never really wanted to do anything. let alone create. for me, there's nothing more beautiful than a white anything. white page, white canvas, white wall. silence ..... . and there are reasons for that.

ask me what i really enjoy doing, and i'll tell you. i love to eat and i love to cook. there's something about a really great meal, that brings people together in a way that .... appeals to me greatly. we've all got to eat and i like to deliver and create delicious, healthy and highly appetizing nourishment. if we didn't have to eat, maybe i wouldn't be so into it and i'd be into something else. i'm sure there are reasons for that too.





it seems that to "get on" and "get along" in this world i live in, one must become an active participator, player and contributor. so seems then i've found a new focus.



the art?
it's never been about the art for me. that was idea a kind and gentle soul and accute observer planted in my head.
at a time i was wishin' i was
living a life that rocked instead of sucked.
put quite simply and bluntly.







energy exchange
time to be rearranged.
so that i no longer am feeling
so frickin deranged
lol
ah yup.


lol


i write without expectations of anyone ever reading, watching or listening.
so i say
truth is
we're always on display.


to be! to be! to be! free :)
i've accepted

"it just is"

define it.
it is it.


and that's far from a defeatist stance
but rather
i'm not sure actually
all i know is "it just is" brings me much peace
and so i readily embrace it.





so what's it about for me? despite the fact that i CAN'T write?
right. :p

can't write the way i'd like and prefer to all the time?
better :)


it's about liking who I am. how i engage with the world. and so on. that's an integral part for me of what it means to live a life that ... um, that ah ..uh. that makes sense to me.


i want to like myself.
really like who i am. and really enjoy interacting with the world within and out.

a love song that i can wrap my arms around:


Anita Baker - You Bring Me Joy Lyrics
(David Lasley)
You bring me joy
When I'm down
So much joy
When I lose my way your love comes smiling on me
I saw your face
And then I knew
We would be friends
I was so afraid, but your arms, they'd say 'come to me'

So I'd say to you
"Can we talk for a while?"
You'd say "alright"
When you love me, I smile
I feel your hands and you feel mine
You bring me joy

You bring me joy
Don't go too far away
If I can't see your face, I will remember that smile

But can this be right
Or should we be friends
I get lonely sometimes and I'm mixed up again
'Cause you're the finest thing I've seen in all my life
You bring me joy

My joy, my joy
I believe this is gonna be what you want it to be
I just love you, I just love you, can't you see
That you're the best I've seen in all my life
You bring me joy

My joy... you're my joy
My joy... my, my joy

Thank you, baby, thank you, baby
I just love you, baby
When I lose my way, your love comes smiling on me

what a mess. what a mess! what a mess!!!!!!! lol
heaven

what a mess. what a mess! what a frickin' mess!!!!!!!
hell.


yeah.



there's so much to learn
i boiled it down today

ben's advice
well, you've said you're good at focusing. focus on one thing at a time. and prioritize.


and to that i added,
and keep it simple.



yeah.
sounds solid yet with room to breath .. just the way i like it.



one thing at a time.
yeah.






...
all i've ever needed is time and warmth. you know, genuine mellow kind gentle warmth.
so give it to yourself girl.
set it up yo'.




slow.

Kale with tofu



1 head of kale per person (*it's healthy yo')
one small onion, chopped
a few tablespoons of olive oil
1/2 tsp fresh grated ginger
a little bit of fresh lime
a pinch or two of salt
1/4 of a tub of firm tofu


wash kale well.
sautee onion in pan
derib the kale and disregard the ribs
add handfuls of kale; cooking one batch at a time.
add salt
continue adding fresh kale and cooking it down; the point is that it all becomes wilted

it takes some time; which i dig because it enabled me to sit and chill in the kitchen a bit. and nibble a bit on some of the kale that already had cooked through.

when the kale's mostly done, add the tofu, ginger and lime. brown the tofu a bit and the serve up.

the clash: train in vain

dedicated to my artistic, creative and otherwise self.




Say you stand by your man
Tell me something I dont understand
You said you love me and thats a fact
Then you left me, said you felt trapped

Well some things you can explain away
But my heartaches in me till this day

Chorus
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way

All the times
When we were close
Ill remember these things the most
I see all my dreams come tumbling down
I wont be happy without you around

So all alone I keep the wolves at bay
There is only one thing that I can say

Chorus

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me

Did you stand by me
No, not at all

Now I got a job
But it dont pay
I need new clothes
I need somewhere to stay
But without all these things I can do
But without your love I wont make it through

But you dont understand my point of view
I suppose theres nothing I can do

Chorus

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me?

Did you stand by me
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way