deciding what i want.

damn.

i don't understand your process

but once you've decided upon something

it happens

if and when you really want it

"it's beautiful to watch love again"

mj

but oh so sad when it ends.

may it never end again.

everybody is somebody's fool

mj on the jukebox

yeah.

i've got to get out of here

"it's beautiful to watch love begin, 

but oh so sad when it ends

as you go through life

remember this rule

everybody's somebody's fool"

that's a damn stupid rule

 )

:

:]

it's beautiful to watch love begin

and to grow

and to continue

may love begin

and never ever end again

amen

"love is 

love does"

kind love is

kind love does

i respect what's shared in intimacy

i said

i continue to believe

i long one day

to be in a single mindset

it's so challenging

given how easily i can move

from one to another

exploring things from different perspectives

sort of been driving me crazy

 i long to be clear

even if that means

that i'm both experienced and a beginner

love hurts

mj on the jukebox

shees that's just

so bogus man

well i gotta go

wash my face

and then do somethin'

in this beautiful place

that my sister calls home

patrick the orkin man

stopped by this morning

i asked him how he was doing

oh fine, fine! thank you he said smiling

i'm always thinking

happy and calm 

without fear nor concern

i replied

without nary a sigh

right 

and smiled quietly

i love your garden and home

it's my sister's i said

lots of love and smiled

i love the flowers she added he said

the garden is beautiful

yes i replied

with nary a sigh

nor a whiff of a lie

it's nice

:)

i love to take things in

with zero chagrin

i feel a lot of love here in my sister's home

she's wild and wacky

and has her challenges

that she struggles with

i try not to focus and hone in on that

doesn't work well for me

you should come here a few more times

visit atlanta and you'll want to stay here

patrick said

i almost did

i do love it here

but then i found my way to portland, oregon

and hey .. :)

i live in portland, oregon i said to patrick

and as much as i love it here

i love it there

and it's my home

i can see a twinkle and brightness in your eyes when you say that

he said

it's so beautiful and i can see through your eyes

that portland indeed is a beautiful place.

aw!

:)

indeed.

he repeated his name again

and i 

i feel very increasingly

alive and well 

no more days and nights in hell.

no more courting danger.

laughter

is what i'm after

but i'm just so 

very 

serious

what can i say

but continue to live

in the now

and say

no more promises 

no more procrastinating

let's do it

come on

in the here and now

so very powerful

no more someday

let's make it 

today

resources and space

so much to process

and articulate

what's the objective?

ah

uh

huh

:)

to do what i love

to be what i love

exceptionally well 

and beautiful,

f.