the way we communicate,

the words we use, 

lets others know

who and how we are.

huh.

shrugs.

!!

!

i value personal expression.

i value the freedom to express, freely, totally, completely.

and yet.

to be whole/complete means nothin is missing.

what, i ask myself, is missing here?

what am i missing?

where am i not whole, not complete.

oy

vey

hey.

today i said to my sister

i believe in this

that love finds it's way to you

and you/we find our way to what we love

fully, completely

but do we recognize it?

this is what i actually said

we sit next to the things we love

and the things we love sit next to us

she said i should be a nun

a jewish nun? i said laughing.

i thought you were agnostic she said.

nah, that was always robin (my twin sister)

me?  i'm a mix of so many cultures and religions and i'm cool with all that.

i'm about peace love and understanding

about joys, delights, pleasures

i write and write

and write

:]

may i open up

may i be exceptionally honest

and real.

real!

may i be inspiring, positive affecting and always beautiful from the inside on out, and feeling exceptionally good

"no matter"

no matter what.

am i a teen?

you betcha.

do i aim to be a princess or queen

no! 

lol.

what is this, then 

just a blog

a woman writin flowin freely expressing

because i can

without once again

any regard

blatant disregard actually

for the consequences of my actions.

ah. uh. 

huh.

huh.

not bad for one evening

what do i value?

beats me

come on

what do you value

i don't know

muted

emotional overloaded

feeling unsafe

too much on this plate

my desired fate

to write

to read

to be solid

a long term go getter

who performs outstandingly and 100% in the now, the moment

with a clear understanding

 an exceptional team player

what do i love

and value?

music.

pleasurable tastes, smells, senses.

to be moved.

favorably.

exceptionally favorably

and of course

as always 

to be clear and coherent

and enjoy some amazingly good consequences.

why?

because i'm ready. 

it's about time.

it's all coming together

my little sister said.

she's a social worker.

yes, i said.

still unsure. 

but hell, i wasn't going to say otherwise.

spontaneous flow...

who ever said 

this was the right way to o, i mean go?

i don't know.

do what you want

say what you want

be what you want.

muted i remain. 

what do i value

what do i want

how long will it take to

ask and answer

the age long questions

for myself

soon as i need to 

or i'm ready

i suppose

i don't know.

damn.

so much expressed

but time to give it all 

a rest