my friend dale sent me an extra ipod he had. it's rad. a long standing fad we all enjoy.

these days i'm enjoying and drawn to janis joplin.
take another piece of me


i'm going to show you baby that a woman can be tough
so come on, come on, come on, so take it
take another piece of my heart now baby
you know you got it if it makes it feel good
oh yes indeed.



shrugs :)















my twin sister wrote and said my mom's hypocritical and an inventor of truths telling stories that are convenient for her. and my thought is, yes. that sounds right on. and wow, that's very poetic of her.


i love when we shine brilliantly.
and love it ... really appreciating and increasingly ... when others tell me that i impact them deeply, truthly beautifully meaningfully.




you should write, he said, a book.
a book, i said.
not from where i'm coming from.


no more convenient truths
i'm all about seeing the real me and you.
smiling through and through
cause i believe in the healing power of feeling consistently really good.









well, now that i'm caught up here and jammin with janis
i've got to go.



"try, try, try just a little bit harder"


oh man janis
you rock.


"... so i won't lose lose lose..."

though you had ever reason
you didn't come undone
somehow you made it through to the other side
you didn't suffer in vain
sade on my ipod


rosanna, i wish you the same.























people say i'm one of the most grounded, sane people they know
so bright
such a keen mind
so positive and vibrant

it's not only one of me
there is we
don't beleive me
get out there, open up, give and see

or dive in
and then share
i know you want to
and i know you dare


like a sponge
observing it all
winter spring summer and fall


crazy?
don't think so
we need to live lives that serve us well
through and through


it's only love that gets you through
sade

i write
because it's safe
physically anyway

i write a whole lot better when i edit
and when i'm clear what i'm writing for
but


there you have it

more flow



it's only love that gets you through
sade on my ipod



i wonder
how
what other good turns i can do for myself in my life
others too




last week
when people asked
what are you going to do?
and i said i don't know

this week
i said
i don't know
but one thing i can say is
it'll be an adventure
i believe in the first intent
adn confident in this belief


i deserve to be happy and enjoying my life
day and night


continuously
consistently
living life
well


love is kind, and love can give and love needs no gain
sade

who am i? i'm someone like you
music, on my ipod
wilco, sky blue sky



my twin sister called, left a message on my cell. i called her back. she told me she had committed her daughter for psychiatric evaluation. my niece has been cutting herself for the past year and my sister having found out, set a rule: do it one more time, and we'll be going to the psychiatric hospital without any conversation about it.

my older sister is upset, understandably. "she doesn't belong in a psychiatric hospital ...she's a teenager, like i was once." my sister was wilder than most of us, but far from out of control. she only toed the line from time to time.

i've done the same ... granted in my 30's. i've always been a late bloomer.


so my niece is in the hospital, and i'm here thinking very little about it and feeling even less. it's how i cope best. giving things time, space and distance.

i don't feel as if i belong to this world we live in, i said to john last week.

last month i said, there are appropriate ways to express and feel pain. hurting yourself and others is not one of them.


it's why i love to write.
it's why i so easily throw myself into creating art.
it's why i love to look at the sky
and why my loves change all the time.



these days i'm preoccupied with how i'm going to support myself. my last day working in macy's furniture gallery is tuesday and all i can say about that right now is hurray.

that's despite all the pros i experienced working there.

i brought home the job description posted for the job in the employee's breakroom. and a part of it reads: "must enjoy engaging, interacting and developing relationships with others."


well, that, i said to john, explains everything.



he thinks i hate myself.
that's not true.
i'm just a bit confused.


and wish for so much.


i can start with the little stuff.



writing for me
it's my way of continuing to be free.



how do i feel
what's going down
what's for real


come on stick with me baby
we'll find a way
yes we'll find a way
robert plant, raising sand on my ipod

for everything to be a okay
f.


shrugs
:)

I didn't get the job at the fish shop. But John's fish tank looks great. And the new goldfish are swimming around looking really happy.


Last month my pinky friend forever Dale joked John's fishtank had become a death trap (many of the fish had died) ... with a bit of attention, that death business has been put to a stop.





I hope.
It's my ever present intention.



We all deserve clean, ideal for us where we will flourish prosper and thrive environments to live work play laugh in. The fish and all we care for included.



Hurray!




It's time to stop what you have started
It's time to stop all your sobbin'
on the ipod.


sigh.


it is time for you to laugh instead of crying
yes it's time for you to laugh

: )






right choices
=> right flow

that's all i needed to know






but how do i define what's right?

smiling and laughing
enjoying are all part of the formula.


healthy happy smiles and feet
prosperity too


showin me what to do





sweet roselin,
sometimes you've got to give in
sometimes you've got to be loved"
on the ipod

and me
appropriately.

have you ever loved someone so much you've give them all for?
rap on
right on
slim shady








what does it mean, to do right
for yourself
by your light

others too

no lose

win wins all around
no frowns
no blow ups
no clowns



what does it mean
to do good turns for yourself, for others



i chatted with a librarian about this last month
and she said
sounds like philosphy
we chatted a bit more and she said "ah, career related" you need to visit the career section. and then after a few minutes more of woman to woman chit chat, she laughed and said, sweetheart, that's got to do with living life. i wish all the best to you.



living life
i long to rejoice everytime i hear the sound of my voice
and the consequence of my choice.